The writer of this article is a man who spends time each week counseling other men at Advice & Aid. Yes . . . a man. We are not here solely to provide for the needs of the woman during an unplanned pregnancy. Very often, men will accompany their significant other as the two of them walk through this trying time. And we want to make sure that we have someone here who understands, can relate, and can offer the men who walk through our doors help as well.
This man’s words to other men on what a woman needs during an unplanned pregnancy are both valuable and inspiring. Men . . . if you find yourself in this unexpected situation, you need to hear what he has to say!
Some people love surprises. They like plot twists in movies, and not knowing what’s for dinner. I am not that kind of person. I have an overwhelming desire, that I regularly have to fight against, to have my days and weeks planned out. Yet, one of my favorite memories is from a surprise party my wife threw for me. It was in that surprise that I saw how much my wife cared for me to ensure that this gift wasn’t spoiled by my need to be in control.
The majority of men I meet with on a weekly basis appear to be like me – having a plan, and wanting that plan to be reality. Rarely do they plan for a baby while still attending school, before they’re married, or sometimes even with this woman. It’s in these moments that they begin to search for reasons, options, and answers. Advice & Aid wants to be where they seek their options and answers.
The questions I’m asked by men who are abortion minded, regardless of their reasoning, remain the same. They are primarily concerned about the potential physical side effects of abortion for the mother. It is in these moments that I can share some of the potential physical and emotional side effects of an abortion for the mother, while using language that reminds them that the life they are terminating shouldn’t be forgotten.
The questions men ask reveal the true concerns of their heart. They are concerned about the lives they feel responsible to protect and provide for. It is in these concerns that I turn my attention. These men need reminded that regardless of their plan, they now have another life they are responsible for. The care they show in protecting mom from physical and emotional harm should be extended to baby as well.
Often men think of providing and protecting in means of financial and physical.
Yet, the greatest needs of mom are emotional and spiritual. One father I met with in March really responded to this concept. He knew what his girlfriend’s greatest need was, but he was unwilling to accept his responsibility to meet it. We need reminded to focus our energy on protecting mom’s heart, and providing for her deepest needs – which are never financial or physical. It’s our hope at Advice & Aid that men see that the role they have been given by society doesn’t make any sense at all.
Men are told they have no role in this decision.
They are told they simply stand back, smile and nod. This role not only doesn’t support mom, but actually puts more pressure on her. So, I encourage men to step into their natural instinct to provide and protect, but change their focus to be on the mom’s emotions. We want them to see that there is nothing more manly than to be emotionally connected to your child and that child’s mother during an unplanned pregnancy.
It is here that we feel Advice & Aid stands apart as uniquely gifted to help families make an educated decision about an unplanned pregnancy. We are more than pro-life; we are pro-humanity. We see the value in the life of the child, mother, and father.
Men, if you find yourself in this situation, know that you don’t have to do this alone. We are a comfortable place for men as well as women. You can meet one-on-one with our male client advocate, talk over your frustrations, aspirations and questions with him, and truly have someone who understands and can offer some real help.
So go ahead. Take control of your situation and get the help you are looking for!